F.A.R. = Fear. Anger. Resentment.
F. A. R.
FEAR – ANGER – RESENTMENT
There are 3 Stages of Fear:
Fear, Anger, Resentment
Fear is about the future, that you will not get your way. Anger is about the present, not getting your way now. Resentment is about the past, not getting your way in the past. The future, we cannot control, as the past we cannot change, where the present is where we really live. To fear one’s future and to resent one’s past affects one’s present. Fear is actually selfishness, a person’s NEED to get their WANTS, and selfishness is the root of addiction. Selfishness can cause cravings, causing relapse to escape the pain that a person has created in their lives.
Addicts who have trouble feeling feelings, and dealing with them, is extremely toxic to the addict. Addicts many times have anxiety and fear, which is so strong and intense, it propels them into relapse.
Fear Relapse Triggers Include:
Fear of failure
Fear of success
Fear of showing weakness
Fear of punishment
Fear of commitment or intimacy
Fear of rejection
Fear of the unknown
The Function of Anger: To protect, We destroy.
We make ourselves vulnerable, the more a threat is perceived. Anger’s function is to protect one’s vulnerability and neutralize the threat. A threat can be perceived, almost always, as an attack on the ego. A threat to one’s ego devalues and demeans one’s confidence and can be perceived as threatening.
Anger is an emotion that can manifest physically, meaning people often get into trouble when they get angry and feel resentful, such as in relationships with others. At times, their bodies and facial expressions can express hostility and devalue and demean another person without the angry person realizing that this is happening. They are not conscious of it. A person who is around other people who are angry or resentful, even if an audible word is not spoken, can spread like a contagious disease.
Anger roots itself in some form of fear or another: loss, failure, rejection, and can come out sideways through harsh words and compulsive reactions, rather giving responses that are well thought out and rational. To feel anger, at times, is normal. It’s okay to feel angry from time to time, but what we do with that anger ends up determining the quality in which we live our lives.
Anger can affect a person physically, through any type of incapacity, such as pain, discomfort, illness, or feeling rundown, while the emotional incapacities can feel like guilt, shame, fear, or sadness. When directed at others, anger comes across as aggressive when a person tries to get someone else to back off or submit to what they want, whether it is in their reality or in their imagination, as resentment is a defense to mentally devalue and retaliate against those that they perceive to be acting unfairly or indifferent.
Initially, a person may not have control over how they feel when someone angers them, BUT we ALWAYS have control over how we react or respond to those feelings. We actually CHOOSE whether or not to allow someone else to control our reactions OR to remain in control by responding gracefully. Constantly thinking about someone you don’t like can result in them renting space in your head. By holding onto anger, it doesn’t affect anyone else other than ourselves. We are the ones we force to carry around the burden of the weight of it. Meanwhile, those with whom we feel it for, move on with the rest of their lives while we stay stuck in our own minds reliving those painful moments.
It is okay to feel these feelings, but it is more important to know what to do once you experience them. On one hand, tell yourself to keep yourself F.A.R. from these feelings, they rarely are useful, and if you keep F.A.R. from them, then you, in fact, will begin processing them in different ways.
Ways To Stop Feeling Angry:
Use your anger as motivation to make a change.
Watch or listen to something funny.
Shift your focus, such as meditate.
Do something, ANYTHING, to get out of your own head.
Write it out/journal.
The Function of Resentment = Impossible to View Anything Objectively
Resentment means to re-feel non-pleasant feelings, unhealthy ones, which can result in spiritual death. Resentment can make one powerless over these feelings, which doesn’t necessarily mean that you are helpless, but it has more power over you. It makes you temporarily insane. Fear of feeling anything, in general, is the addiction trying to get us to relapse, and when one stops using, one begins to start feeling their feelings again.
Guilt motivates the behavior of making amends for one’s mistakes. Shame motivates new attempts at previous unsuccessful attempts at love, at work, or socially. Fear motivates being cautious or the want of feeling safe. Sadness and grief motivate by creating a way to hold onto people and things that are important and worth one’s time, effort, and sacrifice. Keeping Fear, Anger and Resentment F.A.R. from you will help you stay away from using your drug of choice by creating new habits and being repetitive in practicing them, which there is only one way that the brain forms habits: Repetitive practice.
Forgiveness = The Ultimate Remedy for Resentment
Telling the truth is the first step to releasing resentment: Acknowledge that you feel resentful and take action and release those things in which you have no power and then make gratitude a daily habit.
The solution for resentment is to pray for forgiveness. We utilize forgiveness for ourselves, not the person we’re forgiving.
PRAY OR DO a 4th Step and ask for acceptance and gratefulness.
The only power fear has is what you give to it.
You can either let it empower you or paralyze you.
The choice yours.