Being a mother and being in recovery is one of the hardest things, but also one of the most amazing blessings. Being able to teach my children how to live life by having the 12 steps in my life and teach them to become better people is truly a blessing. Is it hard? Yes, it is, in the beginning it was, putting my recovery first all the time before my children, before my family, before anything was not easy but necessary. If I put anything in front of my recovery I will lose it. I must find a balance and being able to balance recovery, family, children, work, friends, and all these wonderful other things that a Life in recovery blesses you with can be difficult at times. I got sober when one of my kids was 6 years old and the other one was 11 years old, so yes they saw me drinking unfortunately for a few years. Was I not there all the time? Unfortunately, I wasn’t, and once I finally went to get help I decided that it will be best for me to just focus on recovery. My first year, my ex-husband kept the children full-time. It was hard to not have my kids there when I woke up or kiss them good night every night but it didn't last forever and I got them back in my life after a year. The past 3 years I've had a blessing to have them full-time. This year is one of the hardest years, which is 6 years in recovery. My daughter graduated high school and moved out. Having one of your children grow up and move on her own is super exciting and a proud moment, at the same time very sad and I feel like a piece of me is now missing. I am also worried at times, that she will make the same mistakes I did, that she will become an addict/alcoholic like I was, that she will get hurt like I did, that she will turn codependent like I was, that she will have depression issues like I did. I'm surely grateful to say that she is a strong independent young lady that has made the right choices so far. She has a wonderful job, is going to school and even has a scholarship for a four-year college degree. Not having my kids for that one year, and focusing on myself, and healing from my trauma, and focusing on recovery is the best choice I ever made. Today I can honestly say I live a good life, I'm there for my kids when they need me, I live by the spiritual principles, and I keep getting healthier as a person day by day by applying the 12 steps to my life.