Lapse in Judgement

As I sit here judging the man in front of me, I catch myself slightly noticing a resemblance. My active addiction presented itself through his words. My biggest fear when deciding to enter into recovery was the judgment I knew others would cast upon me. So, why was I sitting here judging him? "Don't throw stones when you live in a glass house". The words of my husband echoed softly in my subconscious. I do live in a glass house. For, the very things I despised in him, I found repulsive in myself. Listening, and knowing almost everything coming out of his mouth was a lie I became aggravated, and annoyed. At the present time I thought it was with the gentleman telling the lies, but I was wrong. The fact that it reminded me of my old ways, was the true reason for the feelings arising. Occasions like this kept presenting themselves. I would be irritated with people for things that really had no bearing on my life. It was harder to deal with the consequences of "starting drama" then it was to just "let it go". Finally, I had to figure out why these things were making me angry and not others around me. I had heard "when you point a finger three point back at you" but saying, hearing, and actually understanding the slogans are very different. I always said them, I heard them a lot, but never did I fully understand what that meant until recently. I was holding up a mirror to myself.The loud mouths in the meetings, that were disruptive. That was me too, when I wasn't ready. The girls who were abrasive, and mean, I took it personally. Not, grasping that I too was not the easiest to get along with either at one point. Realizing that hatred, judging, and trying to control situations wasn't going to work I began to change myself. When those things within myself diminished, or at least became less frequent, I started noticing myself not judging as much. The more comfortable I felt in my own skin, the less I cared what they were doing in theirs. As I pack my bags and make my transition out of my "glass house", I will never forget who I once was, I will always embrace the present, and I will use every expierence as a chance for growth. By growing I never forget where I came from, but I also ensure I don't return to it, either

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